When I first set foot in America, I thought the culture shocks in America would only revolve around surface stories such as: English barriers, changing food tastes, harsh weather, or having to drive everywhere.
But in reality that is not the case at all.
After living and working long enough, I realized that the biggest and most profound shocks are the ones that are not recorded in any settlement guidebook. These are extremely small things that happen every day, but they deeply shape the way we live, think and work in America, and the way we view relationships between people.
There are some things that I had to exchange for many years of struggling to truly understand the essence.
1. Article 1: In America, no one has the duty or obligation to guess what you mean
- If you need something, proactively speak up and say it clearly.
- If you encounter a problem that you do not understand, feel free to ask.
- If you want to ask for a break, please frankly apply for a break.
- If you disagree, please express your opinion clearly.
In America, there is absolutely no implicit thinking: “People should understand such obvious things themselves.” Because in their communication culture, silence will often be automatically understood as your agreement.
2. Article 2: The question “How are you?” It’s not always genuine concern
When they first set foot in America, many people, when they hear the other person ask that question, will immediately be touched and think: “Oh, Americans are so thoughtful and care about me.”
But the truth is that many times it is simply a catchphrase for social procedures. Sometimes, it’s just the English version of “hello” and nothing more.
If you don’t understand the rules of this game and start excitedly telling them the details of the ups and downs in your life… the other person will definitely freeze in surprise!
3. Article 3: Going to work and being too gentle will easily turn yourself into a workaholic
The American working environment always gives special respect to employees who know how to speak clearly and set their own boundaries.
If you enter the company with the humble mentality of Asian culture and always say:
“Let me finish this small matter.”
“It’s okay, I can handle it.”
“I’m so afraid of collision, I won’t say anything.”
Gradually over time, people around you will automatically get used to the fact that you are the buoy that takes on all those unnamed tasks. This situation happens not at all because your colleagues hate you, but simply because you have never taught others how to respect your own tolerance limits.
4. Article 4: Colleagues who seem completely friendly are not necessarily close friends in real life
This is a psychological trap that our Asian community can easily fall into and misunderstand. Americans have outstanding social characteristics in that they can be extremely friendly, always smile brightly, proactively ask about their health, and talk happily and openly.
However, all of those behaviors absolutely do not mean that they have a need to become close friends with you in real life. You need to clearly distinguish: Friendliness in communication is completely different from intimacy in a relationship.
5. Article 5: Practical fairness: No one is obligated to help you
No one has an obligation to yield or prioritize you just because you are older than them. No one has the responsibility to lend a helping hand just because your situation is difficult. And the system has no obligation to “sympathize” with mistakes just because you explain that you tried hard.
At first listen, this mindset seems extremely cruel and lacking in humanity. But if you look at it through a positive and fair lens, you will see: Once someone agrees to lend a helping hand to you, it means they truly want to help you from their heart. They help completely out of pressure of obligation, and that is what makes the help more precious than ever.
6. Article 6: The system will not automatically recognize your silent sacrifices
This is a huge cultural shock for those who were raised and raised in the cradle of Asian culture. We have always been taught since childhood: Just work hard, keep working hard, just contribute silently, then your superiors will automatically see and your efforts will definitely be rewarded.
But in the American working environment, reality does not always operate according to that rosy trajectory.
If you work extremely well but choose to stay silent, don’t know how to talk about the value of your own contributions, don’t know how to report results periodically and don’t know how to mention success at the right time… then sometimes, a colleague who does less than you but knows how to present and speak coherently is the one who is remembered and promoted by the management board.
This happens not because they are “explosive”, but because they understand a principle: Your abilities must be seen to be recognized.
7. Article 7: Learning to say “No” is a very normal and civilized thing
In America, refusing an offer absolutely does not mean that you have any grudges, hatred or enmity towards the other person. Straightforward statements like:
“Sorry, I can’t.” (Sorry, I can’t help).
“That doesn’t work for me.” (That’s not really relevant to me right now).
Just say it clearly like that and everything will be resolved. You absolutely do not need to waste time explaining the reason at length, do not need to beat around the bush, do not need to be secretly angry in your heart and do not force the listener to have a headache guessing.
For many Vietnamese people, initially coming into contact with this frankness will feel a bit harsh and cold. But in the end, that is the ultimate form of respect: Be clear and fair from the beginning so as not to waste each other’s precious time.
8. Article 8: The value of personal independence and autonomy is placed very high
When living in the US, you will witness these realities: When parents get old, it is not the default that parents have to move back in to live with their children. Children who reach the age of 18 can independently move out and rent a house. No matter how much a husband and wife love each other, they still respect each other’s private space. Even though friends are very close, they don’t always stick together.
Many Vietnamese people, when first looking at this lens, will quickly make a judgment: “Why is their life so cold and lacking in family love?”.
But the essence here is that they are operating according to a completely different value system. They promote the concept of autonomy – the ultimate autonomy of each individual. True love in their culture does not mean controlling, and caring does not mean allowing oneself to interfere violently in the lives of others. We are not required to live like them, but we need to understand so as not to judge or cause ourselves unnecessary hurt.
9. Article 9: Networking skills are not considered gossip
In many East Asian cultures, the act of a person proactively starting a conversation, confidently introducing themselves, and finding ways to maintain contact with people of status is often easily whispered about by people around them, labeled as a fake person, “seeing someone in high places to pretend to be their friend” or being coy.
But in American culture, networking is recognized as an extremely normal and highly professional soft skill.
The purpose of this is absolutely not to take advantage of each other pragmatically, but to proactively build open social relationships, seek cooperation opportunities and help others clearly know who you are and what field you are working in.
A real truth: Many times the person who takes the furthest steps in their career is not the person with the best skills in the room, but the smart person who knows how to connect, is good at communicating, and knows how to make others remember their value in the best way.
10. Article 10: Absolutely no one can save your career but yourself
This is probably the biggest awakening culture shock of my life. You should completely eliminate the naive thought like: “Just dedicate yourself to doing a good job and eventually a noble person will appear to lift your life up.” That power is possible, but you should never bet your entire future on such a gamble.
The journey to building a successful career in America is not simply a story of putting in hard work. It must be a strategic game.
It is the ability to self-position yourself, top communication skills, understanding clearly where you stand, what destination you want to aim for, and how to make those with recruiting power see your core value.
What I want to send
After all, all these years living and working in America have taught me a bloody lesson: On the path of personal development, the smartest or most talented person is not always the one who wins the ticket to go the farthest.
Many times, the person who wins in the end is the one who deeply understands the rules of the system and possesses the ability to adapt most quickly. Learn to flexibly adjust your way of living, working and communicating to integrate with the local flow, but absolutely never lose your own identity and core values.
What is the biggest and most memorable culture shock when living or working with Americans? How have you found ways to adapt to it? Please leave a comment below to share your story with me.
If you feel this article provides practical and useful perspectives, please share it widely with the surrounding Vietnamese community!
Dr. Christina Nguyen
Phoenix Medical Academy
