Since I was young, I’ve heard my aunts say, “Women are better than each other in their husbands.”
And then in poetry there is the sentence “Pitying a daughter’s fate at twelve shores, clear thanks to the turbidity.” I feel so sorry for women.
And also feel the pressure. Pressure to choose the right husband. If you make the wrong choice, you will suffer, then life will be lost. There were times when I wished I was born a man, instead of a woman.
I felt like being a woman was disadvantageous in all sorts of ways.
But then, later coming to America, coming into contact with Western culture, and having the opportunity to learn from mentors and giants in the world, I understood why I always had negative feelings when I heard those words.
1. First, women are better than each other in husbands.
I think maybe “more” here means happier, happier. But why do we put happiness on the comparison of superiority and inferiority between women?
It is this comparison that makes me and perhaps many women also feel “pity and blame.”
“Oh, why is that girl not studying as well as me, not as beautiful as me, but has a husband who is richer than me? House bigger than me? Drives a better car than me?” more…
And what I realized is that no matter how much I feel sorry for myself, I don’t feel better, but on the contrary, it makes me more and more tired, hates myself, and affects my relationships with those around me.
2. Second, happiness is a very personal concept
Only each person can determine the definition of happiness for themselves.
Some women live in luxury, they feel happy.
There are women who live a simple but comfortable life and still feel happy.
Therefore, happiness cannot be measured and measured to see who is happier than the other.
3. Third, why do women entrust their happiness to others?
Letting others decide the fate of your life, “in the dark and willing to endure”?
Maybe in the past, women had limited education and opportunities to develop themselves, and therefore were financially dependent on their husbands. Because of dependence, we lose our voice and freedom in our choices.
Fortunately, in today’s society, when we just need to go to Youtube or Tiktok, we can learn many free skills, from baking, foreign languages, beauty, health care, self-development, the only thing holding women back is “ gender thinking limit.”
On the occasion of Vietnamese Women’s Day October 20, I want to share 3 changes in thinking that have helped me be happier every day.
1 - Being a woman is a blessing, not a disadvantage.
In English there is a saying “Women make the world go ‘round.” basically women are the ones who make the world go ‘round. It means that women play an extremely important role in this life, this world.
Indeed, when a woman clearly understands her potential and power, nothing can stop her. In Vietnamese, we also have the saying “Heroes cannot overcome beauty” which speaks to the power of femininity, and the special things that we women have.
When I understand this, I realize that I do not need to appear strong, trying to be “equal” with men, but rather ando that is learning how to promote my strengths of myself as a woman.
For example, instead of going to work and taking care of all the housework and children, trying to be a super woman “superwoman”, I learn to share the work with my husband, asking him for help.
That way I have more time to rest. His mood also improved, and he was also happy to see that his wife was not angry.
2 - Take control of your life, and take responsibility for your own life
I have realized that in this life, no one is responsible for bringing me happiness, except myself.
In the past, when I was a dreamy girl, influenced by many love movies and love songs, I always wished to find my other half.
When he comes into my life, is mine, then I will become complete and I will have a life. “happily ever after.” But I have realized that no one can understand me like me.
Marriage is not two halves coming together but two complete people coming together. And each person needs to be responsible for their own happiness.
So how to live responsibly with your happiness?
It is understanding what you want, what you need in a relationship, and what you can bring to that relationship.
It is knowing when to stay, when to leave. If we persist in staying in a toxic relationship with no future, then blame fate, then we are living irresponsibly with ourselves.
3 - Always learn to improve yourself every day
I remember one time a colleague shared with me that, even though she was over 50 years old, she was taking swimming lessons because she wanted to overcome her fear. I greatly admire her, and also want to always maintain the fire to constantly develop myself.
I don’t want to be just a bookworm, a doctor who only knows how to talk about medicine and dry academic books, but I want to become an interesting woman with many skills and interests. I want to develop the gifts God has given me to become the best possible version of myself.
That’s why I always prioritize learning. Learn from offline and online courses, videos, books, newspapers, and relationships. Thanks to constantly learning, I feel more peaceful, happier, and more free.
I hope that my sharing is somewhat useful to you.
Please comment “Yes” if you feel it is useful.
Dr. Christina Nguyen
~ The Phoenix Medical Academy
